Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
