On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
