Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
