Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
