My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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