My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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