Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
