apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is the high leading the old right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
