I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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