it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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