Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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