If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
