I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
