We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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