i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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