I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
