A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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