Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
