Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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