i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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