Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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