I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
