If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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