Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
