By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
