What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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