By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
