i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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