I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
