I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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