Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think my moral compass just broke
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