My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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