In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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