I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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