We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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