Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
