That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
