I don't think brook has ever known best
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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