I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
