Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
