Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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