he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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