no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
