hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
