my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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