When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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