I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
