dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
