she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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