Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
