he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
