So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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