Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
